Do you tell your name to a stranger???

I didn’t, not for a very long time. I thought if I told my name to strangers I may get into trouble: they may act familiar with me, use my name for things I did not want it to be used.

It started very early, way back in school. I was a teenager then, taught to ignore comments by boys wanting to “make friendship” with me. Sometimes those comments were questions, usually ‘What is your name?’ I never answered that question, never except once.
A boy of my age used to follow me on his bicycle insisted day after day he wanted to know my name. I ignored him like I had ignored others before him. But he was cute. And naughty. And if it had not been for my conditioning I may have befriended him. But it was only because he was cute and naughty that I took the liberty to reply to him. He pleaded me to tell him my name and I barked back at him, “Chameli!” It was the unlikeliest of names for somebody of my age and the likeliest thing to turn him into silence. He never asked me my name again. Never came back to follow me.

When I was in graduation and started traveling in trains - usually alone, from Home - to Hostel, I had a very unoriginal but fictional name for any stranger on the journey who wanted to know my name. I called myself ‘sneha' for no particular reason. I do not know what I thought they would do with my name if they knew it but I never told my name.I was almost scared about not disclosing my identity.

but somewhere down the line I realised I was being very boring. I was closing myself off to a lot of people. They were strangers, yes, but how would I make new friends if I kept lying to strangers who could be my friends? Did I have to know people from somewhere, through somebody to befriend them? And I realised I could afford to be less serious on others and more secure with my name!Yesterday, Dee and I were at a bookstore browsing through books, discussing authors, must-reads, flipping through magazines when a young boy came up to us and started chatting with u. He complimented Dee, told us he was Afghanistani student here on a scholarship. And then he asked me my name.I did not pause to gave him the name by which everyone who knows me. I did not pause to make up another name for myself. I did not pause to think, after I had spoken to him, that I had done something out of my limit.But when I came back home, I realised it was probably the first time I had told a stranger my precious name. It felt good to be finally free to be Preety to a stranger....

Alphabetically speaking....

A is for apertment therapy that I’m DO-ing on these days. My day starts and ends with checking for great home decor ideas there as I'm goin to shift in a flat very soon.
B is for all the birthday gifts I’m enjoying: clothes, soft toys, chocolates… It’s a good life!
C is for my first digital camera that I also got as a gift from one of my dear ones on some special occassion. Am loving it!
D is for dearest or me. How many more people have started calling me dearest in real life is unbelievable!
E is for excessive – roaming, shopping, eating. My life right now.
F is for family or friends. the things which really make me lucky.
G is for guiltless living. I’ve stopped feeling guilty about so many things I used to. It’s fun to live without regrets and guilt.
H is for the heat – too much, too soon!
I is for irresponsible. I really sometimes behave like so with my belongings.
J is for JLT: Life, as it is right now – just like that.
K is for kurta– the dress I’m into these days.
L is for lost – one of my pink colored top and a pair of black ankle socks are missing. I don’t know where they vanished from my room!
M is for movies that I' freaquently watching from last one month.
N is for ‘No’ – my answer to study now.
O is for obscure people who have been sending me friend requests on orkut ever since I changed my profile pic!
P is for photographhy. I want to click more photographs and get more of mine clicked. I want to frame them, make some criativity with them and blog about them.
Q is for questions about my future that are becoming increasingly difficult to avoid.
R is for rumours generally spread bout me, which dosnt make any sense to me and i hardly bother bout.
S is for status of mine which @ present making me confused.
T is for talkative the word which describes me very well.
U is for unwell – how my brain status is since my birth.
V is for valuable - the persons whom i dont want to lose.
W is for work. which is enemy of my lazy ass.
X is for xeros, Greek meaning of dry, which i jus found out from d dictionary. Just what i want to become my hairs.
Y is for all the yelling that I'm doin now a days @ home.
Z is for zzzzzz… Enough is not enough for me these days as far as sleeping goes. I blame it on the weather.

Past Matters!!!!

Just as I think that I have been able to let go of my past then at that very moment it strikes back on me making its presence felt. Often you find people saying that forget what you have already done and just look at the present but Arghhhhhhhh I can't...I simply can't!

Feeling as lonely as one can be with no one by my side in whom I can confess/can talk to and just let my emotions go. So am just fucking writing this blog and I hope to sleep off to it and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Nobody has time to listen what u ve got. And maybe me myself wont have time tomorrow to think about all this.So i find it better to express it in words and look back at it when the times are not good and that makes me feel better that am not in such a bad state as I was at that very moment..STRANGE!?

Feeling like banging my head against the wall. Feeling ever so lonely.
Expectations always kept mounting and I always believed that I will live up to them until I realized that the show was over.My cheese got moved and I didn't.

And now when I am trying to; then the past pulls me back. No matter how much I think that when life's dragging me behind then there will be a day when it'll lemme go and ill proceed like a Bow from an arrow.Neither I plan anything good for the future because things always turn out to be way too different from what I assume them to. So no point saying that I'll do this n that when I know that the chances are slim.

I feel like withdrawing myself from all this.I desperately needed someone to hug me and say that every things gonna be alright and guess what I've got it.

And thats Me Myself, as has always been the case. Sounding wierd!? Fuck off if it is. Yeah I hug myself.....
Yeah goddammit u got it right-->MYSELF

I loose it and I loose it in front of myself. I listen to myself and thats the best I can do. People have got priorities and I understand them. And thats why I have given up on expecting things from people......right!?

Right now I feel that I am the only one without any priorities in life and just moving along as and where life is takin me.Ask me hows life treating me. And my answer will be AWESOME.
Because it does not help even if I say it ain't because Who Cares!!! Instead let me ask..Hows life treating u !?!
I may sound unearthly and I dun care if I am coz this is ME.
I feel I am at the wrong place and days ahead are long for me. Times are testing and I try to be gritty as ever but loneliness is something which makes me loose it.Neither I want anyone to talk to me about it because you yourself know that it wont help because you have never seen me this way and neither it makes a difference to you! Tell me for once if it does! :

Cheers Over And Over!!!And I hope life treats u well!

Black VS White

This is a mail I got from a friend.
Apparently, this poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2008:

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray
And you calling me colored?

MY LIFE IS WIRED!!!

….sounds weird? Trst me, feelz more weird!

I sleep wit all the wires arnd me (Extension cord, Cell charger, Lappy charger…), I wake up witin the samepool…another string is attached to ma ears wen I leave mah room – 4 coll, 4 mess or 4 newhr else on the globe…. And that poor little wire, again peeps wen I enter my room at night….. after blowing my ears for some 18 hrs…

MONDAYZ strt wit “SOME BULLSHIT MANAGEMENT SUBJECTS IN coll” and end wit “TASTELESS MESS FOOD like YEAKS” of mah very xstance! TUESDAY mornings BANG wit “wearing UNIFORM” which make me feel like a ‘chee!’(a piece of shitt!).. And WEDNESDAYS take over the trend to screw up mah life even more frthr…without letting me have the pleasure of spending my Tuesdays with Fun…THURSDAY luvs to keep me surrounded in dat same confused, stingy, messy uniform….FRIDAYS r reminders of the graduation days….ahh…wotta fun it was!! Ruling the entire college….teachers ready to struggle wit u in ur projects…co-operating wit u to change the topic the last moment….these very thots drift me 4m the class and take me to another world….so I have no clue abt the MATERIALS MANAGEMENT taught in the class….unless o’crs they’re applied to mah personal life…wish I cld cr8 an INTERESTING LIFE for mah freedom as well……….. and by the end of SATURDAY, instead of planning abt the fun to b xprncd on the weeknd, m still at the cross-roads trying to differentiate between the CORPORATE MANAGEMENT, CORPORATE CULTURE & CORPORATE ENVIRONMENT in UNIFORM again!Thinking SUNDAYS could b ‘MY DAY’, they ditch me and escape mah vision witin a blink of the eye!And one fine day I realize……OMG! Its already time!!!! got an exam to write….gotta rushhhh……………
……DAMNNN!!!!!!!!!! Grrr…..