The Internet Whore

My mum thinks I am an Internet whore. (No, she did not say it in that many words and yes, I am.)

But.

BUT.

I am actually only Facebook, Blogger, and Twitter whore. Whereas my mum thinks that I am a chat whore. Which I am TOTALLY not. I am almost always offline on all the chat things. Or invisible.

So bottom line: My mother is wrong. WRONG. And as usual, I am not. *puppy face*

Okay, that's it. :P

Irritating!!!!

I don't get it. How can people not put their phones on silent when they enter the movie theatre? Shouldn't this be common sense by now. YOU just picture out how hard it is not to hate someone when his/her phone fucking rings in the middle of the movie and the ringing phone guy never just rejects the call or walks out embarrassed to answer the call. No, that would be too considerate. He lets it ring some more, trying to ignore it as the film goes on. And then he finally rejects it, which prompts the person calling him to call again. And you'd think that somewhere along the way, he'd realize that maybe the best course of action is to either turn off the fucking phone or put it on fucking silent. But no, fucking no. FUCKING NO. And then you'd think that everyone, already having seen how fucking annoying a ringing phone in the theatre is, would all put their phones on silent. But then you're met with the Bhaag DK bose ringtone and the very familiar nokia ringone, and hundreds of messages received throughout the whole movie.

To A Special Man

To the man who looks over me from the balcony every time when I start my scooty…

To the man who misses me more than anyone else when I’m forget to make an ISD call everyday…

To the man who still likes to give me the pocket-money at the first of each month whenever I'm home inspite of I'm married now…

To the man who still holds my hand while waiting in long queues…

To the man whose hand on my forehead puts me immediately to sleep, even today…

To the man who wants me to make those round chapatis as well as I connect a circuit…

To the man who feels elated when I cook food better than his wife…

To the man who has been unfailingly trying to make me learn to wake up early morning on weekends despite the failure he has to face every time he tries…

To the man who taught me what family is, not by his words, but by his deeds…

To the man who silently takes pride in everything I do…

To the man who has taught me everything I did not learn through textbooks…

To the man who says little and does more…

To the man who takes care of my insanity with his patience…

To the man who makes me believe everyday that life is much more than our petty struggles…

To the man who gave me everything he could so that I could be whatever I am…

To the first and the best man of my life…

I may not be able to tell you everyday how much you mean to me. This day has given me an opportunity to say so, through this blogpost. This is just to let you know that I cherish each little kiss that you plant on my cheek whenever I leave home for something important.

LOVE YOU THE MOST DAD... YOU SIMPLY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!

Obsession !!

I find myself obsessing about unnecessary things so much these days. Why did he say this to me? What must it mean? Why did she look at me like that? What does she think about me/ my outfit/ my shoes/ my hair/ my nails, the fibres of my top etc? What must I do so that they don't think I'm weird? What must I say so as to not offend them? Almost everyday, I obsess about unnecessary things like this to the point that I get massive headaches. :/

It's not important what random XYZ person you've met once in life (or worse, you've not even met, just seen) thinks about you. I have GOT to re-learn to let go and not care!

I miss my old confident, self-assured, I-don't-give-a-damn self. :/

Happy Periods? Hah!!

Whoever came up with “Have a happy period” tagline should have glued up their ass and made to sit on a chair tied down with a rope with a sign on their forehead “Have a happy seating”. Seriously, who has a happy period? Ask any girl, any woman, does she have a happy period? What about those PMS days when we need medicines to keep ourselves from murdering someone out of frustration? What about the psychotic mood swings, emotional attyachar and stress and confusion that make it hell for us? What with all the prayers to mother nature that we don't want her monthly gift, but she didn't give a refund option?

Jokes apart, periods can sometime be royal headache (along with waist ache, back ache, stomach ache, etc etc) if we don’t get people who understand what it is for women to keep working on these 5 painful days. Sometime it leads to mental stress to the extent of blood pressure. Sometime when it happens unexpectedly in public when you are still due 5 days, it leads to embarrassment and humiliation too.

I remember how it felt when it happened to me. I was 16 and was giving 10^th boards. I was due 10 days, and suddenly menstrual bleeding started in the examination hall while writing science paper. Waist and back ache were making it impossible to sit straight and bleeding was increasing. I tensed up. I thought sooner or later some lady teacher would come and I might be allowed to go to washroom…wrong! The two male examiners never got replaced. After half an hour I decided it was no use waiting for a lady teacher, else I might spoil my paper (and my seat and be center of joke and humiliation) and called the examiner. I thought so what if he was male, he was a human, must have a wife, he would understand. Wrong again!! After explaining my embarrassing situation patiently and frankly, all I got was a smirk, and an ultimatum that nobody could be allowed to go out before 3 hours of exam were over…board examination norms.

“Only 2 and half hours more, sit down and don’t argue. And if you really want to go, submit your paper and don’t come back.”

I gave up on trying making him understand the urgency of situation and sat down to write in that state.

Two hours, and my situation worsened. I am one of those girls who get spasms/cramps and pain on the first day. All such women reading this would know medicine is needed if we want to keep going, and here I didn’t have a napkin even! Horrible! I was unable to concentrate in my science paper. Finally, after writing as much as I could, I gave up. I left a 10 marks question even though I knew the answer very well. It was in heart, wanting to come out from pen. But by then I was too upset with what was happening and didn’t feel like writing.

Before leaving the exam room, I made sure I was still in a condition to walk out in public, and then faced the teacher and said, “Just because of you I lost 10 marks. If I get poor marks, sir, you will be the one to its blame”. He shamelessly smiled and I walked out of the class with an angry face, still glaring at him.

This is my story, but it’s actually not just my story. Many girls face this daily just because people, men, don’t understand what it is to women. Such men are not social animals. They are just animals.... You show off your pride by humiliating girls? And you call yourselves men? Go drown somewhere you peanut brained morons!

Even if I leave out those who take pride in women’s humiliation, then frankly, how many of you have noticed your wives go cranky for a week? How many of you really help her in cleaning and cooking when she is down? I can bet on anything, most men do not even notice when their women are down with stress and back pain. Just because she doesn’t complain, you go on loading her with your daily burdens. Too lazy to get a glass of water yourself, aren’t you? I have seen girls bursting out in tears when their periods start in public. If a woman is not around, not many men come forward to help, they are too busy pointing at the girl and giggling like a girl trapped in man’s body.

Periods are not something to be embarrassed of. Please understand this, and fix this in your brain. Just because it started in class or on a picnic or in situations you cannot escape, you need not cry. Patiently look for someone who would understand and without any hesitation explain your problem. You are not tainted if you are menstruating. Forget what Nani and Dadi taught you about menstrual rules…don’t walk into temple, don’t touch this, and don’t do that, don’t speak it out loud before members of male species…blah blah blah…these things are not tradition or culture. These things are blind superstitions. This is hesitation that makes these 5 days much more difficult than what they really are. Every such tradition had a scientific logic behind it in old times because in those days we didn’t have as many facilities as we have now. Now there is no need to feel ashamed. If you are calling the menstrual cycle impure, you are calling whole process of reproduction impure. It is nature’s rule, how can you judge it to be pure or impure being an insignificant human? I don’t think girls need to be ashamed of it. Can you men bleed a week and not die working? You won’t come to this world if this reproduction cycle doesn’t exist, and you make fun of a girl and enjoy in her despair? Shame on you!

If our strictly traditional elders loosen their mythological, ancient, superstitious-and add whatever adjective you wanna add-traditions, and men become more understanding and start treating us as humans when we are down, we might really have a Happy Period. Mere saying doesn't make it happen.

Genuine Koschans

Disclaimer: no Konnection wid ME!!!

1) What does one do when a certain ex-boyfriend is now feeling lonely, unsatisfied with his present gf and calls one up and one doesn't want to be a bitch but one doesn't really have time/ patience for him either?

2) Seeing as virginity for women is given so much importance in India, how many brides are really virgin when they get married?

2.1) Seeing as the "first night" is given so much importance in India and made a big deal of, how many couples really, actually have sex make love after the long wedding day just because "it's the first night"?

2.2) So, everybody wants their first time to be beautiful, wonderful and all those things. But of course it's never going to be. You'll fumble around and not know what the fuck to do. Besides, it'll pain like a bitch.

2.3: Is it the same for boys? I've heard it is but was never really convinced. So, how do all these people call first times "beautiful"? And more importantly, why do they leave it to the first night of marriage? Are they so eager to start the fuckery that marriage is? (Pun totally not intended.)

2.4) If a girl remains celibate for a long time (let's say 2 years) will it hurt all over again when she becomes sexually active again?

3) Is it really everyone's mothers who are always the problem? All the cases I know of, but excluding mine, the problems are always the mothers. In that case, why do the films always show the mothers as being this nice, selfless, doting women?

3.1: Are all mothers prejudiced and judgmental?

4) I know this question has been asked over and over again by a lot of people but really, what is it with people wanting their children's pictures as display pictures?! It's scary when their status updates are something like: "What the fuck do these in-laws think of themselves?" No. Kidding.

5) Is money really the most important thing in the world? More important than your relations and ethics? And please, before your reflexes jump in and say "of course not!!" think for a moment and then answer. Because I think the answer might be yes for me.

6) Whether we die in 2012 or not, can we please kill all the

T.Vs?

The species called women

I confess I am not a man hater. I surely am not; and I have references to prove that. But, I am jealous of men. I surely am.

Of the many things for which I'm jealous of men ( lack of fear of anything, capacity for alcohol, ability to travel anywhere anyhow, license for immaturity, capacity to burp anywhere and so on) the one that gets my vote is the way they handle their friendships.

It doesn’t take much for two guys to be friends. A beer, a shared passion for a game or loyalty to a particular team, similar music tastes, whatever. For men, a friend could be the guy they drink with, smoke with, bitch about women with, watch a game with, play a game with, do lame-ass shit with, and even borrow shit from.

For a woman, a friend is someone you bonded with. Someone with whom you’ve shared your life’s secrets and who shared hers with you. This is true of everyone from her shopping buddy to the woman she calls in the middle of the night to ask about pregnancy tests. For a woman, a friend is a heavy serious shit. Not that it’s not for a man. But with women, its super serious. And you have to accept it. And literally so, because sometimes (read: most of the times) a woman’s best friend and cut throat enemy are the same person. She will never accept it anyway.

When a guy screws his friend over, they get into old fashioned fight, beat the crap out of each other till someone says it’s over and then they shake hands and go back to being friends. Just friends.

This cannot happen to women at any cost.

When a woman screws her friend over, there begins a complex and dynamic game of revenge and consequences.

A woman, like an elephant, never forgets and never forgives. We expect the men to screw us over in the first place. Yes, we always know before they actually plan to stab us. At least the realists amongst us accepts it quite well. Others, just know it. So when it happens, we become sad, cry a little or more, indulge in anything chocolate, retail therapy and move on.

The simple reason for this that men don’t get and women don’t admit is that for women, for us, every other woman is a competition. Any woman who is prettier, smarter, thinner, more accomplished, a better cook, more looked at, more listened to, faster, has pretty shoes, a better multi-tasker, is just that. Competition. Any good MBA will tell you, you never make friends with the rival. But it’s the femme-titude, we never listen.

A woman will laugh hours with her friend cum enemy, goes home and then decides what to wear the next time they meet so that she looks hotter, thinner, richer that the other woman.

This will never happen to men. Never. They are retards who love simple solutions to life, unlike their psychoanalytic counterparts... :P.

Sorry

A piece of Friction written by me …

Pia was sitting in front of her PC,but had her eyes fixed on the photo frame placed on the table beside the lampshade. She was there,he was there,smiling,close to each other. Last night’s quarrel kept repeating itself in her mind,every word,every phrase,every sentence.

Pia spoke to herself.”let him go, let him go Pia, you don’t need him, go on with your life”

She shifted her eyes to the computer screen. Opened her inbox,and then opened an already read mail. A mail from mamma…

“Dear Pia,

Theres a news.The boy I and my your papa had chosen for you has approved for you. He and his family like you.They wanna proceed. Your papa likes him too. We expect a positive reply from you too dearie. Give it a thought. And when you are done give me a call.

mamma “

Pia took a deep breath and reached for her cell phone….went to ‘contacts’…typed ‘M’…all contacts starting with ‘M’ started showing up. It was easy for her to find out ‘Mamma’….next her thumb went up to the green button to dial….but she stopped..

She heard something….some conversation….surely from the other side of the wall…

“girl :- why didn’t you say sorry???

boy :-and why didn’t you??

girl :-i waited

boy :-me too..”

all silent………..only some sobs could be heard….they too fainted with time…

Pia looked at the screen of her cell phone…pressed a button…beep…. ‘Mamma’ was still highlighted…..she went further down…and stopped at ‘Manish’……..dialed…….

The caller tune could be heard..

“zindagi do pal ki…..intezarr kab tak hum karenge bhala”

Remove your clothes, run in the field...

"I am a New Generation Girl!!! Anything for my country to get home the World Cup. So INDIA cheer with me that we need 1983 World Cup BACK." ~Poonam Pandey

Only if the *new generation girl* of proud India could understand going naked is the most easiest thing you can do to get famous in a country full of narrow minded pigs. I must admit I am jealous yet admire the courage & wit (yes wit) Poonam Pandey has displayed to become the most googled, most tweeted personality for a week or so. This is huge. Stealing thunder of the whole cricket team and exploiting it to build your market apart from Kingfisher's Swim Suit calender is an achievement. 20, not-so-hot & yet famous!

One odd case that I can think of, which is similar to this is of Jhanvi Kapoor who completely stole the show from Aishwarya Rai's wedding! These women, they come & go. They have one week of fame and that dies like soda water. However, people still remember the name. Till date, when ever Aishwarya-Abhishek's wedding is discussed you see little * mentioning Jhanvi Kapoor in the note.

If India won 2011 ICC world cup, Poonam Pandey will be discussed till the time remains. I do not know who's brains are behind such controversies. If its the PR, if Jhanvi was right about sleeping with Abhishek, if Poonam is this blinded to think she is the one for whom the Boys would win the cup. I can not understand any of that.

As far as I can read & understand english correctly, Poonam Pandey is even happy to undress herself in the dressing room of Indian cricket team, her family is supportive and I do not see any moral policing from Shiv Sena as well. All I can say is, well played darling, only if I knew fame was this easy to gain...I would have willingly removed my clothes & ran in the field...

Cheers & bravo to you!

Was it arranged or a love marriage?

I’m here with a new post finally. Its been months I have posted anything new.During this time so many things happened in my life.I have again changed my place is onething, and that too this time I had to change my Country even. And 2nd best thing is Its gonna be 3 months of my Marriage on coming 16th.
Nevertheless, the questions about my marriage have been many which I had to face before my Marriage. Especially if you are a Bengali, the Durga and Kali Puja is THE time when folks all around you ponder you with questions about your marriage. And again, one question that is common on every tongue, to satisfy the curiosity pent up is: “Is it a love marriage or an arranged one?”
I was a bit surprised that my hubby wasn’t as bothered with this question as I was. Why it didn’t make him so irritated to hear the same question on everybody’s lips! The first few times were Ok. I answered every person patiently, But soon, people’s manner of asking changed. The moment I used to answer “arranged”, there was just a single “Oh!” from them. The initial curiosity and interest seemed to have dissipated into thin air. It seemed like they didn’t want to know more: as if they thought that arranged marriages were less interesting than love marriages! And it’s not as you think, not just the young, there were old Uncles, Aunties and relatives as well who asked this question.

I’m maybe wrong, but somehow the impression that I have got from all those who asked the question is, that they all probably thought that I wasn’t evolved with the ‘modern changing times’ or maybe that I didn’t belong to this generation or my parents must be lying that it was a purely Arranged Marriage! Quite evident, for one girl who asked me this question also replied saying, “Really? I haven’t heard of that for a long time!” While the elders who asked this question, I’m sure wanted to know how less traditional I am!
Well, now that I have got used to answering this question, I can now say that I can only laugh at those who feel arranged marriages are boring; for they are quite the contrary! A very close friend of mine, once told me,” It’s nothing weird. It’s like meeting a new person and making a new friend.” It was a simple comment, but I soon realised how true it was.
Your relationship may not be a four or five year old one, but you’ll be surprised to see how soon you understand the person. You may not have memories to celebrate, but you’ll enjoy every bit of the journey of getting to know each other after the marriage also. You may have a hundred people around you with whom you can share every moment of your life. But now, thanks to fb and phone calls you’ll experience a different pleasure in sharing every moment with your to-be better half, even when you’re in the middle of a room filled with people. You may not have common friends who made the two of you meet, but you’ll be overjoyed when your own friends scold you for not introducing you to the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with or including them enough in the wedding preparations! He may not have proposed to you with a wedding ring, getting down on one knee; but when he shows that he cares through simple gestures when you least expected them- These are the times you believe that arranged or love marriage is not a big question at all. It’s all about whether it’s the right person or not. And now after the months of Marriage I can assure you people that Arranged Marriage is not at all boring. Infact I would suggest you to chose the same path I did.. lol .. Because it carries the excitements of newly wedded for months :p

Oh Kolkata! First Impressions……

Changing the city and the house you live in is definitely not an easy job. Everything around you is new. The city, the people, and the house you live in and even the water you drink! Even more difficult is when you have to think of everything as home; when you sink into your new bed after a tiring day and yearn to feel relaxed; the way you did on your previous bed. It’s one of those transition phases that all of us encounter when we pass from one stage of life to the next and yet living through it is so difficult. I am realising how exactly this feels, as I find myself in a new city, Kolkata, in a new house, which my society says I must call my own. I am living the phase of changing over from Miss to Mrs.

You realise every minute, of the day that this life is new to you. It’s like you’ve been uprooted from your life and planted into someone else’s. As I get accustomed to my new house, answer the phone as someone’s wife, see old photographs of my new family, listen to tales of my husband’s childhood days and meet family friends, it amazes me that so many people existed for so many years and I had no clue of their existence!
An even bigger and daunting change that I have to adapt to is the new city that I live in. The Kolkata that I came on vacation to, for all these years as a Probashi Bengali, is now my new home: a home which I hardly know. As I walk the streets, travel by bus, autos,taxies and the rickshaws exclusive only to Kolkata, it feels funny that this now unfamiliar city was once a place I ardently related to. Now I am a complete foreigner in the city; the only thing common between me and the city is the language Bengali. That is something which never ceases to amaze me; when I realise how I can talk to everyone right from the popcorn fellow at the movie counter to the vegetable vendor in Bengali and not Hindi or Marathi! When I realise that the famous Bengali sweets which made our mouths water back in Pune or Jamshedpur, are all available a street away from my new home. When I hear the cries of the street vendors bringing everything to your door steps and remember my days in Pune, when everything was a car or a bike ride away. When I laugh with amusement looking at the innumerous phuckha and chaat waalas at every street corner and remember how I yearned to taste good phuckhas of Kolkata on my annual Kolkata visit! When I stare in amazement at how Bengalis in Kolkata can manage to have a discussion on who won the recent Chess championship, sitting at the back of a crowded bus, with so much fervour as if their life depended on it! When I am taken aback by how easily Bengalis can blend into your conversation of the various pizza outlets in the city, sitting next to you in the auto having never met you before in their lives or never promising to meet you again. When I have to get used to the fact that my MBA from a ‘certain’ Sinhgad College in Pune draws blank looks on people’s faces here compared to the famous Jadavpur University. When I decide that I have to tell people to stop asking me which sweet from which shop tastes better, because to my Puneri tongue, every Kolkata sweet tastes good!
Despite all this, when people ask me, how find Kolkata, I am unable to answer. I am still unable to compare Kolkata with my previous city Pune. Maybe the answer lies in the fact that in conversation; I still unconsciously bring up Pune and my life there. This transition phase will take its own time to get me accustomed to my new life. Till then, I am sure there is a lot for me to learn, understand and feel. Thus starts ShutterCrazzie’s new life and a new section of my blog:
Oh Kolkata!

How to Hide the Dirty Secrets in your Gadget

Last week, one of my friend's brother, mailed me at night. He asked me if i had ever stored a personal email as a wordpad document. He said he found one while rummaging in a folder in his computer, which he had copied from my laptop when i gave it to him for some repairs long time back. I said yes and asked him to delete it as fast as possible. I hope he did that, because that was some rather embarrassing letters .

So, i wanted to give a few points to gadget users, to avoid embarrassing situations.

How to Hide the Dirty Secrets in your Gadget

• Never ever store porn in your mobile. How ever deep you think you hid the folder. There are people who can always find it, especially those who look for them. Like me.
• Never leave the phone alone when you are in the midst of reading something racy in it. Don't minimize the OperaMini or pdf reader and give it to someone. Its always safe to exit. People will never think its a plot in the story you are reading. To them, its just erotica.
• Do not, for the love of god, create folders inside folders thingy. Easiest trick on book.
• Personal letters, passwords, other details... store it in google notebook or just in your mail. And at least never lose the google password.
• Do not surf your files while in front of 4 year old niece. Or do it carefully. I still remember her laughing as a naked chest of this dude came on screen.
• Always, always clean your download list. And/or torrent list. Name is more than enough to get the wrong idea to anyone who checks.

Now a few tricks to evade detection. Old tricks, but effective, i think. I am not saying i use these.

• Racy reads (including erotica) if in word format, store it after a very normal text and save them together. No one is going to read till the end of anything to find what is in it.
• Videos, to save them from appearing in media search, store as winrar. And take it out when you want to see. (this one was all thanks to a friend of mine who does not wish to reveal her name.)
• Photos can also follow the above option. Especially if its unwanted pics of you which you do not want to show others. I personally suggest not to save any such things of you anywhere. Its not worth the humiliation on detection.

New Beginning !!

A wedding is not just about the Big Day and who would understand that better than me: one who still has the tag: New Bride still on her fore-head! No matter how modern you are in your outlook, I guess the change that takes place in your life, hits every girl when she literally leaves her parents place to enter her in-laws. Yes, you may be brave enough to not shed a single tear when the actual ceremony of bidai takes place; but the moments when you are alone in your new room, when you shy away from asking for something in your new house, when you see your husband being showered with affection from his relatives, when the first bout of illness or the first sneeze threatening to erupt into a full fledged cold attack you: these are times when something tugs at your heart and you realise that there is no Mom or Dad to comfort you.

And then again, there is all the excitement and the anticipation of the new family who is waiting to welcome you. A hundred faces, all looking at you at once, your hands being stuffed with gifts from so called important members of the family, who you struggle to remember and then these very relatives engaging into long conversations of how they once lived in the city where you did, before marriage; of how everyone simply looks at you and tells your mother-in-law or your husband, that their family has been blessed with a good daughter-in-law and you wonder what exactly are the powers of fortune telling/ intuition or soothsaying they have! When everyone wants to invite you to their house, and when you do visit them, they are not content with you eating one poori or one sweet! And in the middle of all this, when you feel jealous that your husband can simply sit on the floor or lie across the divan, while you have to sit primp and proper to behave like a newlywed bride!

Getting married sure is one of the most important changing paths of your life, if not the most important one. But the bigger task is trying to blend yourself in with your new extended family and still be a part of your old one. My journey has just started. I’ll have to wait years before I can figure out how I have fared in this task. With this, I put an end to this section of my blog: Wedding Hues. It was a short section I agree and I had planned to put more insights in…but then being a New Bride with all that happens around you, as I mentioned, it’s not so easy is it?