Achha Laga :)

Bheed me ek ajnabi ka saamna achha laga
Sabse chhup kar us ek ko dekhna achha laga

Baat to kuch bhi nahi thi lekin uska ekdam
Haan usi ka khyal dil me aana achha laga

Surmai aankho ke neeche phool se khilne lage
kahte kahte kuch usi ko sochna achha laga

Dil me kitne vaade kiye they yad na karne ke usse
Par jab wo yaad aaya to sab iraade todnaa achha laga

Us bechare ko ab bura kaise kahu?
Jab bhi aaya saamne, wo humse achha laga!!!

A Silent Teardrop

Day before night it was raining! I was feeling those chilly raindrops on my palms....they seemed so friendly! I couldn't sleep for the whole night. Some thoughts, some memories kept chasing my mind. This is the most boring part of my life. Sometimes I feel lonely , but I don't feel like crying. Cause there are no excuse for tears at all! I've got scattered thoughts in my head, eating my brain cells. Just feeling damn BLANK!

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

● Sometimes I remember her in that old frame. I remember her smiles, her letters, sketches, little dreams and her diary pages. I still talk to her on regular basis but no idea when we gonna meet each other... .she is my best friend and stay far away from me!

● Sometimes I remember those betrayals, those back stabs done by the people I loved a lot. Now I don't regret loving them; I feel sorry for them because they lost me.

● I miss my parents. I miss them the most in my life. Because they are always beside me, but far apart!

● Often when I'm at the highest point of solitude, I miss talking with one of my closest mates, I lost him!

● I remember the time I used to get lost in the Magical World made by me and my friends. Those days when we used to sketch our anime characters - Nina, Secrela, Lee, Navil, Toya, Chiza, Naraku and Skayla and actually wrote short stories on them with pictures. We used to do it keeping the sketch books underneath the desks while the classes used to go on. We made our dreams come true in their lives....our prince, princess, innocence, wings and magical powers!!

● I miss my sailing paper boats. When I was a kid, we had our own house [not like this 1000 sq. ft apartment]. When it used to rain heavily, there was rain water accumulated in the courtyard and I and my sister sailed our paper boats there. I could never make a good boat, she made mines! And I even remember little insects swimming in the shallow water!!

● I remember drenching in rain on the terrace. Mom used to tell me not to do it again. I miss that!

● I miss my Friends... miss doing all dose stuff I used to do with them, miss photography too :( I used to do it with them for whole day long. i loved that!

● I miss the same old smell of new books and yearly magazines.

● I feel like sleeping the whole day, but not at night. May be I was an owl in my previous birth.

WHISPERS!

On the phone, lying in separate bed, miles and miles away from each-other!

"I miss you," He said.

"Yeah," I said rudely.

Then he whispered "I miss you, I really miss you."

Those words just immediately pierced through my heart, and my tears started flowing.

It's crazy how whispered words make a difference. It made it seem so real. It brought back all the happiness and special feelings we shared together when we met last time.

"I miss you too," I told back. But he heard "Good night." Because that is what I siad to him instead.

I dont know how we gonna stay like this for next couple of months. I'm scared to admit, It will be tough for ME, tough for HIM and tough for both of US.

This is not a Fairytale. This is real life. And i'm Living it.

Red less

BLACK was the colour I was born with.. and when i opened my eyes for the first time to see the colours around me,my mom said it was BROWN…my eyes were brown…….

Everything turned BLUE when i started walking with all four legs. discovering ice,discovering fire…….Running here and there i found GREEN…green nature,wordsworth,imagination,romanticism………..Then came the fall….YELLOW all around….dreams falling like leaves…and crushed under some feet…

Yes RED entered my life….following PINK….

You were there….deep scarlet became more red….deep..deep..deep…….

And today…..

I lay before you…… RED LESS

All WHITE…

Please don't call me Jerk!

....... Something based on my imagination only!!!

"I am going,you always make fun of me and call me a jerk" He said. turned back and began walking. He looked innocent and cute, nagging.
"I shall never let you go in the first place...I am sorry, din't mean to hurt you", she replied,came running and gave him a hug.
"can I ever leave you,ask urself...? I was kidding" he smiled.
"Can't you stay quite for one moment u jerk..." she whispered as her eyes were close and she has holding him tight, their arms wrapped around.
"I am going.... I hate you... you said you wont call me a jerk again", he started to take his arms off her.
"I shall never let you go...my jerk", she held him tighter.

No one strokes my hair like MAA

When I’m low, I just need to bury my head in maa’s lap. That’s heaven on earth for me. Everything else pales into comparison. I love the soothing feel of her hands; I love the warmth in her voice. I love the way she kisses me, I love the way she hugs me, I love the way she calls me embarrassing nick names and I love the way she continuous calls me when I’m late. I also enjoy her occasional nagging and lecturing.

Mum’s the world: My life revolves around her; even if we don’t communicate regularly, even if we are at loggerheads, even if we choose to disagree on some issues. The fact is I CAN’T LIVE WIHTOUT HER.

My mother loves me unconditionally. I’ve been a bitch at times, I’ve misbehaved, I’ve answered back- and she- she has loved me the same. She continues to love me regardless of any changes in my behavior. This is such a motherly trait.

God! I feel awful, I feel guilty about those times.

Only mothers are capable of loving unconditionally. Isn’t it?

No one can ever love me like my mother. I’m convinced. No one can stroke my hair like she does.

My mother invariably feels I’ve not eaten enough. (even if I’ve eaten like a pig). She doesn’t get bored of telling me I’ve lost weight, I’ve become anemic and that I’m not eating enough. (This is useless for considering the way I’ve been hogging of late. And I’m far from anemic). Mothers will be mothers!

There are times when I’m convinced I’m looking my worst and she’ll still (confidently) tell me I’m looking stunning. Man! Mothers are sooo cute!

I really look up to my mother- for the way she has brought me up, for the values she has instilled in me, for the innumerable sacrifices she has made, for the way she has conducted herself, for the way she has handled the family.

I love the way mom pampers me and puts me to sleep when I’m distressed. I love the way she cooks; I love the way she feeds me with her own hands.

I somehow feel very scared of losing my mother. I have this gnawing fear. I don’t know why and I HATE this feeling. Though I am going home within two days, but still missing her like anything right this moment!! :(

Fairy Tales Are Not For Me

I know that the 'perfect guy' just doesn’t exist. Neither does the perfect girl. I believe no person is 'perfect'. You gotta accept people with their perfections and imperfections.

There is no Mr Right or Ms Right. Fairy tales are NOT for me.

I admit, I am a sucker for candy floss romance, romantic Bollywood films , soul stirring romantic songs, but I also understand the difference between reel life and real life.

I am single. I am not involved in any relationship. My parents are looking for me. My intuition tells me I’ll be married early NEXT year.

I don’t have any unreasonable high fundo expectations from life. I am 24, and I have a fair idea of what to expect from life. I am not waiting for some knight in shining armour to rescue me from a near life-threatening situation. My head is firmly planted on my shoulders.

I have always been hounded by this one question- “What is your idea of an ideal partner?”

When I was a teenager, I cared too much about looks. I was obsessed with my own looks and those I associated myself with. I had this silly list of what my ideal man should be like- rich, intelligent, Greek God looks…pampering me 24*7 …

Thankfully, I have matured and evolved as a person… As I grew older, I realized that finding all the good qualities and good points in one single person is expecting the impossible. Moreover, am I perfect? Am I flawless? Do I have ALL the great qualities a man would want in his ideal woman?

Today, I have a different answer to the question pertaining to my ideal guy: I want to marry a guy who genuinely values my feelings and emotions. Who genuinely cares about me. Who respects me and my family, someone who respects my upbringing and values. I want to marry a guy who believes in himself, who dares to dream. Who encourages me to dream. Who doesn’t stop me from working, from realizing my dreams. Who is NOT superficial. Who is NOT obsessed with status & dowry. Who is genuinely open minded. My guy has to be career-driven. A dreamer. A doer.

He should not be commitment phobic. He should be polite, humble and sensitive to others. (Men who are rude to waiters/waitresses turn me off. Just because they 'serve' us, it does not give us the license to be rude to them).

Respecting my family is very very important. Extremely important. Respecting his own family is also very important. Respecting ‘our’ families is important.

‘smartness’ matters a hell lot to me! A guy who is not chivalrous puts me off like nothing else does. Disloyal, promiscuous men are a major put off as well.

Men who depend on their fathers turn me offfffff!!! It’s a major major turn off!

I respect self-made men. Men like my brother. I would love to marry someone like him. Confident, independent, successful, affectionate, dashing and level headed- someone who knows what he wants, someone who is secure, who is at peace with himself. A FIGHTER- looking life in the eyes and taking each challenge head on! That is my type!

Shadi Aaj Kal

Today is my uncle n aunt's 25th wedding anniversary. Early morning I called them and gave my well wishes. I started my day then but through out the day I kept remembering the stories I heard from my parents and grandparents about how their marriage got fixed and how it took place.

Now I and most of my friends are in the age, where our parents are worried about our marriage. But search and selection process for the groom/bride is very much different than what it was some 20 years back. I thought, let me share my views about the changes seen in arranged marriage process from yesterday to today on my blog. So here’s my view on Shadi aaj kal. :)

No 1#

Shadi Kal: Selection or rejection of boy/girl was based on their photo given for marriage proposal.

Shadi Aaj: Selection or rejection of boy/girl is not based on just their photo. As with the help of new software any one can look awesome in photo. (Now a day’s even swami ji says that the video is morphed :), then what’s there in a photo :P)

No 2#

Shadi Kal: First face to face meeting of boy and girl was in their mandap at the time of wedding.

Shadi Aaj: Boy and girl can’t even think of marriage without meeting in person.

No 3#

Shadi Kal: No dating, orkut, facebook, email, Gmail, chatting, tweeting, texting, and phone calls before marriage.

Shadi Aaj: dating, orkut, facebook, email, Gmail, chatting, tweeting, texting, and phone calls continue for 2 to 3 week, as a process of data collection which will help in decision making.

No 4#

Shadi Kal: Girl should cook very well. She should be master in all homely work.

Shadi Aaj: Girl should earn very well. She should be ready to pay half of her salary to the home maid.

No 5#

Shadi Kal: You can find the perfect bride/groom through your pandit or relative’s network.

Shadi Aaj: Your perfect bride/groom is just a click away. Thanks to so many matrimonial sites.

No 6#

Shadi Kal: Father wants to know daughter’s opinion about the boy, for which the shy girl makes a hole on floor with her toe and says “Whatever you feel right is ok with me”. :D

Shadi Aaj: Before father gives his opinion about the boy, girl says “Dad, the guy doesn’t have six-packs and he earns only 1L/month. I feel we should look for some more options.”

No 7#

Shadi Kal: A reason to reject the girl “Yaar, she loves someone else”.

Shadi Aaj: A reason to reject the girl "Dude, she told she is a lesbian :( "

PS: At last, how much ever changes we see in the searching and selection process of bride/groom, still the secret behind a successful marriage is same throughout the years. Empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern is common among all the successful marriages of aaj and kal. :)

Do share your views or any personal experience about the same on comments :D

She is Human!!

My idiot box makes my room lively whenever I go home. That only gives me company for the whole evening when my mom-dad go out for their evening walks. Last time when I was there, one day while having snacks I saw a new daily soap on Sony entertainment television. This serial revolves around a girl, whose family is trying to arrange her marriage. The plot is very much similar to many other serials on air, but that one episode which I saw that night made me think over it.

In that episode, this girl and her family went to a restaurant to meet one prospective groom’s family. After staring at the girl for half an hour boy’s mom took her inside the restroom, as she wanted to check that the girl don’t have any mark on her body. That is embarrassing for any girl and so it was for her. Girl started crying, to which our prospective groom’s mom said “मैं तो आलू भी दस बार जाँच कर खरीदती हूँ | फिर ये तो मेरे बेटे की शादी का सवाल है |” (I even check potato ten times before buying, then this is the question my son's wedding) . And in next episode, boy’s mom took the girl to a gynaecologist for checking her fertility.

“What a piece of crap this is.” I said to myself after watching this. You may also feel the same. Some of you may ask, is this story from some other era. To our surprise, this story is of this era only, and in many small towns in India this is how girls are made to give tests for getting married.

No need to go too far, I know a real life example for the same. This is what happened with one of my friend, when she went to meet the prospective groom’s mom and dad with her family. The guy’s father made her read a book loudly, for checking her reading skills. Damn! She is working with one of India’s largest IT firm, how you can doubt on her reading skills. That was not all. Guy’s mom gave my friend a booklet and asked her to read the digits written on it. To my surprise, that booklet was for color blindness check. I felt so sorry for my friend when I heard this incident. I wonder, this lady wants a life-partner for her son or she is looking for a pilot for their private jet. This was really embarrassing. I must say my friend behaved very patiently, whereas I would have left the place then and there if these tests were conducted over me.

I understand very well that marriage is a lifelong bond. In arranged marriage we cannot trust any stranger that easily, so we check things through our known people. In current time when cheating and fraud rates are so high, it is difficult to believe anyone. Still, this kind of checking is insulting. Because she is a girl, that does not give anyone the authority to treat her like vegetables.

What if the girl’s family also want to know guy’s fertility, make him walk to check that his legs are alright or not, or if they ask the guy to give color blindness test. It will be insulting for him too. He may raise his voice or will reject the girl, as her parents treated him badly. Then why don’t the girls raise their voice against this inhuman behavior and insult.

Time is changing, females are financially independent now. But still they are silently accepting all this insult, as in Indian society from childhood girls are trained to accept such insults and adjust in any situation.

Marriage is the bond of trust. If we don’t trust people and keep checking them, it gives them the feeling of distrust and makes the bond weaker in the beginning itself. We need to trust people to get trusted in return. I would request all the prospective groom’s families, that check things and satisfy yourself as it is the biggest decision in life, but don’t hurt others ego and confidence. You are not in a vegetable market shopping for potato or onion. You are dealing with a girl. Treat her with humanity, as she is also a human.

Hope

Everything was breaking down gradually. It seemed that nothing could stick the pieces back, not even with the strongest glue. Hopes seemed to scatter like the red beads of the necklace you gave, which had broken down with a random strike of your hand. Memories had started to fade….but then that afternoon….one SMS from you…

“Need 2 talk,bt no ntwrk coverage….will contact u soon..”

Stupid me, started collecting all the fragments back, into the hand drawn circle…..waited to be put back again like a jigsaw puzzle…

Eyes stuck on the screen of my dear cell phone….looking for his…”contact u soon”…..seconds flew…minutes flew…..hours, days, weeks, months…..

No soon…..no contact…..

Why?

Did you??

Bring back…….HOPE

My DAD Taught ME! :)

The things in which my father has given me
reach entirely much farther than love and stability.

He has taught me how to wield a hammer,
a tool not only used for hitting nails.

He has taught me how to use a pen,
a weapon much safer with an eye on detail.

He has taught me how to treat my people,
whether they be man, animal, woman or male.

He has taught me how to help others,
and that includes beyond when one might fail.

He has taught me how to never give up,
a trait that strengthens the idea of "prevail".

He has taught me how to be myself,
a person that no other could ever avail.

These and many more are the things in which my father has given me,
and they have all led up to my entire identity.

..... Where am I???

What am I doing with my life?
Is this what I was destined to do?
What about the thousand million dreams?
Is this my true calling?
Is this it?



The truth is I myself don't know the answer to these questions.
I've never felt so stupid and dumb. It feels as if the entire world is moving and i'm just fixed, rooted to my position. Even if I move, it's not in the direction my heart wants to....

Kill the ‘Silence’…!!!

What do people achieve out of silence?? It’s stupid to say that silence speaks louder than actions..!!! It never does and it never can… coz silence might have language but it doesn’t have any interpreter!!!

Silence can only mean arrogance, ego, pain, fear, loss of words, anger, zero confidence, guilt!!! Well, can that list be said -only???? And how is the other person supposed to understand, what out of above possibilities are you referring to??? It’s like blinding someone’s eyes with a cloth and asking him/her to hit the dart on the board, whose direction he/she has no clue about!!!

Silence can sure mean thousand words… but which thousand words??? CLUELESS….

I am not Einstein to be born with special powers to interpret apple falling is gravity. So why not accept that everyone is not Einstein and make life simpler for everyone around??? Especially me!!!

My outburst is more often than not due to someone’s silence..!!! If you want to curse me, shout at me, scold me, tease me, blame me, hate me, love me… go ahead do it!!! At least let me know that, you think something about me then negative it may be!!! But silence makes me go nuts… well ok; I am quite a jerk myself!!! I agree… I may not get things at first go…If u ask me to guess what’s on, your mind and heart… my guess is gonna be forever wrong!!! So why ask me to guess?? And get hurt instead?? And why not just blurt it out and be relieved and allow me to be sane!!!

Silence not only creates suspense but it sure kills from within as well. So please make life simpler and peaceful … golden rule is to -‘please speak out’…!!!

Maa

Happy Mother's Day Mumma. :) I Couldn't go beyond Maa for the title of the poem, because that's what she is to me, my Maa! :)

(For the uninitiated, Maa is the Hindi word for Mother)

Running down,

Wailing aloud,

My foot bleeding,

In and out.

You felt faint,

But my mother,

You still caught me around.

Picture pretty,

Beautiful princess,

You kept me prim and proper,

Perhaps sacrificing

Your own desires.

Shouted on me,

Sometimes slapped me,

For I got a zero,

I failed you,

I do realise,

But it wasn't all intentional.

102 , 103, 104 degrees,

You sat by my side,

All through it,

Fanning me as I slept,

Caressing me as I wept.

Even though I never say it,

In my heart it's embedded,

I love you mom,

And I don't think,

Moms get better than this! :D

God ! please solve this dilemma...

Ever wondered the irony of this situation— “We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God shaking them.”

Any problem, any stress, any confusions and we start praying to God, we start pleading for solutions, for help. But isn’t it is funny God is the one who has given the confusion; he is the one who is responsible for the crisis in the life. And we ask him to help us.

What are the intentions of Mr. God?

Is it because in normal happy times we often tend to forget him and this is his way of reminding us of his existence?

Or he wants us to become strong to face the upheavals of our life?

or does he derive some pleasure in seeing his children suffer?

As a parent we never want our children to face any anxieties/ stresses/difficulties then how come God, our creator, our mentor and if he loves us, cares for us, and if we are his children then how can he let us suffer?