The Internet Whore

My mum thinks I am an Internet whore. (No, she did not say it in that many words and yes, I am.)

But.

BUT.

I am actually only Facebook, Blogger, and Twitter whore. Whereas my mum thinks that I am a chat whore. Which I am TOTALLY not. I am almost always offline on all the chat things. Or invisible.

So bottom line: My mother is wrong. WRONG. And as usual, I am not. *puppy face*

Okay, that's it. :P

Irritating!!!!

I don't get it. How can people not put their phones on silent when they enter the movie theatre? Shouldn't this be common sense by now. YOU just picture out how hard it is not to hate someone when his/her phone fucking rings in the middle of the movie and the ringing phone guy never just rejects the call or walks out embarrassed to answer the call. No, that would be too considerate. He lets it ring some more, trying to ignore it as the film goes on. And then he finally rejects it, which prompts the person calling him to call again. And you'd think that somewhere along the way, he'd realize that maybe the best course of action is to either turn off the fucking phone or put it on fucking silent. But no, fucking no. FUCKING NO. And then you'd think that everyone, already having seen how fucking annoying a ringing phone in the theatre is, would all put their phones on silent. But then you're met with the Bhaag DK bose ringtone and the very familiar nokia ringone, and hundreds of messages received throughout the whole movie.

To A Special Man

To the man who looks over me from the balcony every time when I start my scooty…

To the man who misses me more than anyone else when I’m forget to make an ISD call everyday…

To the man who still likes to give me the pocket-money at the first of each month whenever I'm home inspite of I'm married now…

To the man who still holds my hand while waiting in long queues…

To the man whose hand on my forehead puts me immediately to sleep, even today…

To the man who wants me to make those round chapatis as well as I connect a circuit…

To the man who feels elated when I cook food better than his wife…

To the man who has been unfailingly trying to make me learn to wake up early morning on weekends despite the failure he has to face every time he tries…

To the man who taught me what family is, not by his words, but by his deeds…

To the man who silently takes pride in everything I do…

To the man who has taught me everything I did not learn through textbooks…

To the man who says little and does more…

To the man who takes care of my insanity with his patience…

To the man who makes me believe everyday that life is much more than our petty struggles…

To the man who gave me everything he could so that I could be whatever I am…

To the first and the best man of my life…

I may not be able to tell you everyday how much you mean to me. This day has given me an opportunity to say so, through this blogpost. This is just to let you know that I cherish each little kiss that you plant on my cheek whenever I leave home for something important.

LOVE YOU THE MOST DAD... YOU SIMPLY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!

Obsession !!

I find myself obsessing about unnecessary things so much these days. Why did he say this to me? What must it mean? Why did she look at me like that? What does she think about me/ my outfit/ my shoes/ my hair/ my nails, the fibres of my top etc? What must I do so that they don't think I'm weird? What must I say so as to not offend them? Almost everyday, I obsess about unnecessary things like this to the point that I get massive headaches. :/

It's not important what random XYZ person you've met once in life (or worse, you've not even met, just seen) thinks about you. I have GOT to re-learn to let go and not care!

I miss my old confident, self-assured, I-don't-give-a-damn self. :/

Happy Periods? Hah!!

Whoever came up with “Have a happy period” tagline should have glued up their ass and made to sit on a chair tied down with a rope with a sign on their forehead “Have a happy seating”. Seriously, who has a happy period? Ask any girl, any woman, does she have a happy period? What about those PMS days when we need medicines to keep ourselves from murdering someone out of frustration? What about the psychotic mood swings, emotional attyachar and stress and confusion that make it hell for us? What with all the prayers to mother nature that we don't want her monthly gift, but she didn't give a refund option?

Jokes apart, periods can sometime be royal headache (along with waist ache, back ache, stomach ache, etc etc) if we don’t get people who understand what it is for women to keep working on these 5 painful days. Sometime it leads to mental stress to the extent of blood pressure. Sometime when it happens unexpectedly in public when you are still due 5 days, it leads to embarrassment and humiliation too.

I remember how it felt when it happened to me. I was 16 and was giving 10^th boards. I was due 10 days, and suddenly menstrual bleeding started in the examination hall while writing science paper. Waist and back ache were making it impossible to sit straight and bleeding was increasing. I tensed up. I thought sooner or later some lady teacher would come and I might be allowed to go to washroom…wrong! The two male examiners never got replaced. After half an hour I decided it was no use waiting for a lady teacher, else I might spoil my paper (and my seat and be center of joke and humiliation) and called the examiner. I thought so what if he was male, he was a human, must have a wife, he would understand. Wrong again!! After explaining my embarrassing situation patiently and frankly, all I got was a smirk, and an ultimatum that nobody could be allowed to go out before 3 hours of exam were over…board examination norms.

“Only 2 and half hours more, sit down and don’t argue. And if you really want to go, submit your paper and don’t come back.”

I gave up on trying making him understand the urgency of situation and sat down to write in that state.

Two hours, and my situation worsened. I am one of those girls who get spasms/cramps and pain on the first day. All such women reading this would know medicine is needed if we want to keep going, and here I didn’t have a napkin even! Horrible! I was unable to concentrate in my science paper. Finally, after writing as much as I could, I gave up. I left a 10 marks question even though I knew the answer very well. It was in heart, wanting to come out from pen. But by then I was too upset with what was happening and didn’t feel like writing.

Before leaving the exam room, I made sure I was still in a condition to walk out in public, and then faced the teacher and said, “Just because of you I lost 10 marks. If I get poor marks, sir, you will be the one to its blame”. He shamelessly smiled and I walked out of the class with an angry face, still glaring at him.

This is my story, but it’s actually not just my story. Many girls face this daily just because people, men, don’t understand what it is to women. Such men are not social animals. They are just animals.... You show off your pride by humiliating girls? And you call yourselves men? Go drown somewhere you peanut brained morons!

Even if I leave out those who take pride in women’s humiliation, then frankly, how many of you have noticed your wives go cranky for a week? How many of you really help her in cleaning and cooking when she is down? I can bet on anything, most men do not even notice when their women are down with stress and back pain. Just because she doesn’t complain, you go on loading her with your daily burdens. Too lazy to get a glass of water yourself, aren’t you? I have seen girls bursting out in tears when their periods start in public. If a woman is not around, not many men come forward to help, they are too busy pointing at the girl and giggling like a girl trapped in man’s body.

Periods are not something to be embarrassed of. Please understand this, and fix this in your brain. Just because it started in class or on a picnic or in situations you cannot escape, you need not cry. Patiently look for someone who would understand and without any hesitation explain your problem. You are not tainted if you are menstruating. Forget what Nani and Dadi taught you about menstrual rules…don’t walk into temple, don’t touch this, and don’t do that, don’t speak it out loud before members of male species…blah blah blah…these things are not tradition or culture. These things are blind superstitions. This is hesitation that makes these 5 days much more difficult than what they really are. Every such tradition had a scientific logic behind it in old times because in those days we didn’t have as many facilities as we have now. Now there is no need to feel ashamed. If you are calling the menstrual cycle impure, you are calling whole process of reproduction impure. It is nature’s rule, how can you judge it to be pure or impure being an insignificant human? I don’t think girls need to be ashamed of it. Can you men bleed a week and not die working? You won’t come to this world if this reproduction cycle doesn’t exist, and you make fun of a girl and enjoy in her despair? Shame on you!

If our strictly traditional elders loosen their mythological, ancient, superstitious-and add whatever adjective you wanna add-traditions, and men become more understanding and start treating us as humans when we are down, we might really have a Happy Period. Mere saying doesn't make it happen.

Genuine Koschans

Disclaimer: no Konnection wid ME!!!

1) What does one do when a certain ex-boyfriend is now feeling lonely, unsatisfied with his present gf and calls one up and one doesn't want to be a bitch but one doesn't really have time/ patience for him either?

2) Seeing as virginity for women is given so much importance in India, how many brides are really virgin when they get married?

2.1) Seeing as the "first night" is given so much importance in India and made a big deal of, how many couples really, actually have sex make love after the long wedding day just because "it's the first night"?

2.2) So, everybody wants their first time to be beautiful, wonderful and all those things. But of course it's never going to be. You'll fumble around and not know what the fuck to do. Besides, it'll pain like a bitch.

2.3: Is it the same for boys? I've heard it is but was never really convinced. So, how do all these people call first times "beautiful"? And more importantly, why do they leave it to the first night of marriage? Are they so eager to start the fuckery that marriage is? (Pun totally not intended.)

2.4) If a girl remains celibate for a long time (let's say 2 years) will it hurt all over again when she becomes sexually active again?

3) Is it really everyone's mothers who are always the problem? All the cases I know of, but excluding mine, the problems are always the mothers. In that case, why do the films always show the mothers as being this nice, selfless, doting women?

3.1: Are all mothers prejudiced and judgmental?

4) I know this question has been asked over and over again by a lot of people but really, what is it with people wanting their children's pictures as display pictures?! It's scary when their status updates are something like: "What the fuck do these in-laws think of themselves?" No. Kidding.

5) Is money really the most important thing in the world? More important than your relations and ethics? And please, before your reflexes jump in and say "of course not!!" think for a moment and then answer. Because I think the answer might be yes for me.

6) Whether we die in 2012 or not, can we please kill all the

T.Vs?

The species called women

I confess I am not a man hater. I surely am not; and I have references to prove that. But, I am jealous of men. I surely am.

Of the many things for which I'm jealous of men ( lack of fear of anything, capacity for alcohol, ability to travel anywhere anyhow, license for immaturity, capacity to burp anywhere and so on) the one that gets my vote is the way they handle their friendships.

It doesn’t take much for two guys to be friends. A beer, a shared passion for a game or loyalty to a particular team, similar music tastes, whatever. For men, a friend could be the guy they drink with, smoke with, bitch about women with, watch a game with, play a game with, do lame-ass shit with, and even borrow shit from.

For a woman, a friend is someone you bonded with. Someone with whom you’ve shared your life’s secrets and who shared hers with you. This is true of everyone from her shopping buddy to the woman she calls in the middle of the night to ask about pregnancy tests. For a woman, a friend is a heavy serious shit. Not that it’s not for a man. But with women, its super serious. And you have to accept it. And literally so, because sometimes (read: most of the times) a woman’s best friend and cut throat enemy are the same person. She will never accept it anyway.

When a guy screws his friend over, they get into old fashioned fight, beat the crap out of each other till someone says it’s over and then they shake hands and go back to being friends. Just friends.

This cannot happen to women at any cost.

When a woman screws her friend over, there begins a complex and dynamic game of revenge and consequences.

A woman, like an elephant, never forgets and never forgives. We expect the men to screw us over in the first place. Yes, we always know before they actually plan to stab us. At least the realists amongst us accepts it quite well. Others, just know it. So when it happens, we become sad, cry a little or more, indulge in anything chocolate, retail therapy and move on.

The simple reason for this that men don’t get and women don’t admit is that for women, for us, every other woman is a competition. Any woman who is prettier, smarter, thinner, more accomplished, a better cook, more looked at, more listened to, faster, has pretty shoes, a better multi-tasker, is just that. Competition. Any good MBA will tell you, you never make friends with the rival. But it’s the femme-titude, we never listen.

A woman will laugh hours with her friend cum enemy, goes home and then decides what to wear the next time they meet so that she looks hotter, thinner, richer that the other woman.

This will never happen to men. Never. They are retards who love simple solutions to life, unlike their psychoanalytic counterparts... :P.